I didn't know what to do when she said, 'I will always love you but I'm not IN love with you...'
She told me she "needed space." What does that even mean?
All I could do was stare at her when she told me, ‘You’ve been acting like a little boy. And I don’t want to sleep with a little boy!’
I was dumbfounded by just how miserable she was in our marriage… so miserable that she wanted out.
I was crushing it at work, but my marriage was a mess.
“I was finally in enough pain to admit I needed help…
These are some of the things my clients say when I first meet them. They feel helpless and hopeless when it comes to stopping the downward spiral of their marriages.
The harsh reality is that over 70% of divorces are initiated by women. And the man is often caught completely off guard.
Their wives believe that it’s been obvious for a long time that things in the marriage were going south. They feel like they have complained about things and "hinted" until they're exhausted and have nothing left.
Their husbands didn’t hear it. They didn't get the memo. Whose fault is it?
It doesn’t really matter. When this ticking divorce bomb finally does go off, there is plenty of blame to go around.
If you are feeling anxious and depressed because it seems like she holds all the cards and all you can do is breathlessly wait until she makes a decision, you’re not alone.
The question now is, what are YOU going to do?
There are two things that I can guarantee will make things much worse:
- Go into “damage control mode” and become insecure and highly nervous. Ask her over and over to explain what she’s thinking, how you can fix things, why is she so angry, etc etc. This kind of needy behavior will only remind her why she wants to leave.
- Do nothing, hoping and praying that this is just a phase or a mood swing and you just have to ride it out. From her viewpoint, that’s what you’ve been doing all along. Hiding out in your man cave will not change things for the better.
The good news is that those are not the only choices.
There is actually a lot you can do to stop the free-fall, get your feet back on solid ground, and unwind that twisting knot of anxiety in your gut. There are things that you don’t know – that your dad didn’t teach you – that can make all the difference in the world right now.
But the longer you wait, the more difficult it gets. How do I know? I’ve been there. I did all the wrong things at first. And then I learned how to become more confident, calm, and able to show up as the best version of me. And I can help you do the same.
Here's where we're going to start:
- I will teach you how to stop being needy and nervous around her. She will immediately begin to trust you more when you reawaken your natural mojo so you can respond with calm confidence and not react with fear and anger.
- Knowing how to be a "safe space" where she can trust you not to collapse in the face of her emotional storms is the key to creating connection and attraction. .
- True listening is perhaps the most effective skill you could ever master. More than anything, she wants to be heard and understood by you. You will understand how to listen in an entirely different way so she opens up to you instead of shutting down.
- Your anger and frustration will ease when you understand that she isn't doing all of this TO you, she's doing it FOR herself - in order to get away from emotional pain.
If you want more affection, intimacy, and sex (plus many other amazing things) you must know how to operate within your own confident, masculine frame of mind so that you can consistently create a safe space in which your wife or girlfriend will feel emotionally secure.
Most women are highly turned on by a man who has a steady, confident consistency and a deep sense of self-worth.
When you learn how to cultivate this in yourself, you won’t be confused again about being your best self with her.
So don’t beat yourself up if you feel like you are way behind. It’s never too late. Let's start now.
Can You Save My Marriage??
I get that question a lot. First of all, there are many factors that determine whether or not a couple can find their way back to a healthy, mutual, loving, respectful and intimate relationship.
NOBODY can promise you any certain success rate in creating the marriage that you are hoping for. Nobody. And don't believe anyone who tries.
Secondly, this is really the wrong question. Why? Because I know for a fact you aren't here to "save" the current version of your marriage.
What you really want is a BETTER relationship - your marriage version 2.0 -- with much more confidence, connection, intimacy and passion than you have had in the last few years. My work is focused strictly on helping men become stronger, more confident husbands and leaders so they can invite their partner into a new relationship and an amazing future.
Here's what I can promise you:
There is NO POSSIBLE WAY your marriage will transform and thrive unless you become a SECURE, CALM, CONFIDENT and CLEAR HEADED MAN who knows who he is, what he really wants and where he wants to take his life.
It's the relentless and desperate focus on "saving a marriage" that ends many troubled marriages!
Is there anything you can do to get out of this mess?
That’s a definite YES. But it may not be what you think.
Unfortunately, there are no tricks, tactics, or magic formulas that will turn your marriage around. No one can “save your marriage in 7 days or 5 easy steps.” If they promise anything like that, RUN the other way.
BUT, you can have a tremendous effect on the state of your relationship by shifting your focus away from her and what she is doing.
The only way for you to have the affection, sex, closeness, fun, and deep intimacy you want is to learn to unapologetically be the best version of you there is.
And the best way to do that is with the help of another man who has been there.
- This is a personal, practical and intense coaching program.
- You get the insight, confidence and skills you need to stop the downward slide of your relationship.
- You learn to create a safe, masculine energy which women find irresistible.
Your confidence soars. - Then you invite her to join you in the love, trust and affection you BOTH want.
Become the Best Version of You
A confident man has complete, empowering clarity about what his values are, what he wants in (and who) he wants in his life, and where his purpose is leading him.When you consistently show up as the man you say you are, you become trustworthy, authentic, and wildly attractive to the woman in your life. (Actually, to just about any woman!)
You do not need to mutate into someone else. I will help you UNcover and RE-discover the mojo you had when you were younger. Together we will identify and set your values, principles, priorities, your rock solid boundaries and the standards that you expect of yourself and your relationships.
In the course of a relationship we often learn to hide parts of ourselves that are “unacceptable” and begin behaving in ways that are not true to who we are in an attempt to make sure the other person will continue to like and love us.
We have all tried to hide our shortcomings in the shadows in hopes of not being seen. Sadly, in doing so, we also often bury the very things that made us attractive in the first place.
In this program, you will re-integrate those lost parts of you so you can stand as an authentic, whole person. It is only in presenting your true self to the world that you can connect, belong, and be loved. What would it feel like to be loved for who you REALLY ARE and not just for what you DO, and PROVIDE, and the BENEFITS you deliver.
KNOWLEDGE + PRACTICE = MASTERY
The LionHearted Man Coaching Program doesn't just promise change; it delivers tangible results. This happens through consistently practicing new knowledge and achieving mastery over time.
As part of the work, we will actively “uninstall” old habits and automatic reactions that are not serving your goals and then practice skills to “install” new ways of thinking, effective habits, and a shift in the way you approach just about everything in your life.
I will help you create a set of daily protocols that will nurture the most crucial aspects of your inner happiness and confidence. Starting with morning and evening “bookends,” we’ll solidify the routine practices that will keep you clear-headed and on track.
Master Your Mind, Master Your Life
You will learn to manage the negative thoughts that fuel the rage and resentment that threatens to further damage your marriage. You will let go of the nagging anxiety that keeps you from being present with her.
When you pivot away from those bad reactions and toward being more kind, compassionate and loving you’ll watch the entire dynamic of your relationship change.
And your mood will not be dependent on how she reacts. You will be free to respond as a mature man and create your own well-being no matter what (which is actually what she wants!)
These are just some of the results you can expect from working with me:
- Stop the bleeding! Sometimes I think of the Relationship Recovery Program as "triage for the heart." The first thing that needs to happen is to STOP doing things that are making things worse. We need to move you out of "damage control mode" and onto the Recovery and Repair Track.
- Become crystal clear on your own values and boundaries. Be able to live within that framework in such a way that you are calm and confident in who you truly are.
- Know what (and who!) you want in your life. When you can unapologetically communicate what your heart’s desires are without guilt or shame the odds of experiencing them is automatically increased 10X.
- Free yourself from anxiety and worry. Master your thoughts and emotions. Be able to stop over-reacting and instead respond to situation that used to baffle you and trigger your anger.
- Understand (perhaps for the first time) just how different the masculine is from the feminine. Begin to see how her female qualities aren't "wrong and stupid" but actually can complement your healthy male energy.
- Know how to create immediate connection with your partner so she can desire and trust you.
- Learn to practice more empathy, kindness and compassion with your wife, your children, and everyone in your life without becoming a spineless "nice guy'" who can't attract the opposite sex.
- Let go of the anger and resentment that is keeping you from having the love, sex, and affection that you want in your marriage. Learn how to deal with challenging emotions in a constructive way that doesn't cause damage to your relationship.
- Detach from being ruled by her opinion, reactions, and approval. Easily allow her to have her emotions without being a slave to her validation.
- Know what (and who!) you want in your life. When you can unapologetically communicate what your heart’s desires are without guilt or shame the odds of experiencing them is automatically increased 10X.
- Create a vision of your future that truly excites you. Know your purpose and where you are headed is essential if you want to invite your wife – or anyone for that matter- to join you in the new life you will be creating.
How Does It Work?
Are You Ready?
I won’t kid you. The LHR program is not for guys who are looking for a quick fix or a shortcut. Promises to “Fix Your Marriage in 7 Days” are just like they sound: too good to be true.
Here's what IS true:
If you keep doing the same things, you will get the same results.
If you do new things that are shallow and ineffective, you’ll get WORSE results.
Things do not get better without effort, skill, and practice. This program is for a man who is ready to keep his commitments, do the work, and seriously change his life.
I will guide you in getting back into the driver’s seat of your life and becoming the master of your destiny. I know that taking this step is absolutely outside your comfort zone because that’s where are the results happen. But I can also promise you that it will be some of the most rewarding work you will ever do.